The harm of competing for pain
In cases of family, community, national crisis, especially death, there is sometimes a tendency in some people to compare their pain with others and grief become a measure in a competition in which the one who hurts the most wins victory over pain. This competitive suffering is not healthy.
Pain is inevitable in the fabric of our lives, whether it is a crisis or the deep loss of a loved one, and each person's pain is unique. But sometimes amid challenging moments, a less healthy trend is created, a kind of unspoken competition over who hurts more. Who suffers the most. This can be contagious and deepen the pain because those who don't cry, scream or are visibly depressed enough may be perceived as if they are in less pain.
Why isn't it healthy and what should we compete for during challenging times?
1. Covert or overt competition for pain reduces the pain of others. Because the "greatest sufferer" gets all the attention, and it is not necessarily correct to state that those who cry or scream the most suffer or hurt more than those who do not show pain in an extroverted way. No one knows what is inside another person's heart and soul, and how significant and hurtful their pain is.
2. Competition for pain also undermines the collective empathy and compassion that should accompany everyone associated with a crisis and loss. Pay attention, sometimes the quiet ones, those who smile but the smile does not reach their eyes, those who do not show the pain, may be in a great deal of pain. Remember the sad clown? Sometimes it is the ones who hide pain that can crash the hardest.
3. But the worst thing about competing for pain is that instead of trying to overcome, it can cause an aggravation of the pain and extremes it because others also want to show that they are in pain, and this can create a vicious circle of exacerbation of pain which makes it even more difficult to heal both for the "main sufferer" and the rest.
In times of crisis, what we need most is less competition and an emphasis on who hurts more but more collective empathy for everyone who has experienced a crisis or loss. Instead of competing in a race of suffering, it is better to create a competition of support, reinforcement, optimism, and hope. Because there is no competition for pain.
We need to overcome the spirit of competitiveness when it comes to pain because competitive suffering serves no purpose other than to deepen the wounds that we need to help heal in each other. Instead of glorifying the pain of a specific person versus others, it is worthwhile to cultivate and compete in creating an environment of hope and healing because pain is private and there is no need to compete for it.
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